Imagine one day waking up and finding out that there is no Sun for you.
Yes, it means that there is no Sun for you and you only .
The Sun has risen and it has lit up the whole world. Like always. Like the infinite number of days that were there before you existed and the infinite number of days that will come even when you cease to exist, but its not there for you anymore.
Your vision has been blurred by an opaque wall through which you can still observe what is going on around you and when you do, you can come to only one conclusion – rest of the world is going on like everything is fine. Its only you who has been abandoned by the Sun. The wall around your vision is only opaque and not pitch black as if just to remind you – it’s only you who is missing out the Sun.
Everyone else is doing just fine.
You find your way to go through life. You establish a routine which helps you to go through it, but it never helps you to get used used to your colorless life. You start wondering if its the same for a gold fish living in a fish bowl, since its vision of the world through the glass must be distorted.
Does it ever get used to it?
Does it establish a routine inside the bowl it’s living in and go on with life like you do?
Does it keep on living with a constant discomfort and endless unanswered questions?
But gold fishes do not speak. You start speaking less too.
The people around you, they don’t see the wall. But if you communicate to them for long, they understand that there is something off about you. So you don’t. You understand that the opaque wall exists only around your vision and not around their’s. As if it’s not real, as if it’s a disease.
For the first time in your life, you hope that you have a disease. Since some diseases are curable. May be there will be a way to cure your disease too.
Even if it’s not a disease, you hope that one day, some day, you will get your Sun back. Your world will be colorful and vibrant again, like it once was. May be one fine morning you will wake up and there will be a sunlit world before your eyes and that day you will know that you have been forgiven and the wall has vanished.
You keep yourself tied to your routines. You keep your conversations short and simple. You no longer make real connections to people. If you sense that there is someone who is trying to connect to you, you withdraw. You bury yourself in your own world, in your own scent.
Yet you live in your world, in your blurred down, colorless world with one hope that one day, someday, everything will be fine. Time passes in minutes and in days. Your will decays along with your body and soul. But the hope in you, remains.
So does the opaque wall.
(To Be Continued…)