Chapter 3 – The Beginning


The day Kafka found out his “condition” was a Sunday. Strangely enough, everything was fine when he woke up from his sleep. He woke up at 8 like every other Sunday, to a brightly lit summery morning. He made himself a fresh cup of hot Darjeeling tea. Kafka put two eggs to boil and started to spread peanut butter on two pieces of black bread. He was never a fitness freak but he liked eating healthy and looking good. He believed one should put at least as much effort in themselves as they usually put looking for clothes and accessories that would make them look attractive.

It was a bright sunny summer day. A beautiful day like this always made Kafka feel a little sad inside because he felt a strong urge to share everything that was beautiful or delicious or amazing with others. But he could not since he had recently moved to a new country for work and had not made any real connections there. So all the beautiful, delicious and amazing things, that the new place had to offer, made Kafka a little sad inside.

Only selfish ones could feel happy completely on their own. Kafka liked solitude but he was not selfish.

After having breakfast, Kafka went out for a run. It was a beautiful city by the sea. Green and blue all around, blue above. Kafka ran with no destination in mind. He liked running for two reasons. One – it made him feel good and helped him to stay in shape. Two – it cleared his mind in a way nothing else did.

Kafka ran through a residential areal. Beautiful houses with a patch of green on the front. Small gardens, well attended. As he ran passed the houses, Kafka’s senses were filled in with many different things. Colorful flowers, scent of freshly cut green grass, refreshing fragrance of detergent as if someone has just finished doing laundry, a tire swing hanging from a tree and moving lazily with the summer breeze, a football resting in the corner of one of the two goal posts set up facing each other in middle of a small garden. Kafka hardly saw anyone as he ran but strangely enough he felt that he was home.

This was a feeling, the small apartment Kafka was living in, could not provide.

He ran for five kilometers and then decided to go into a shop to get a bottle of water. He was drenched in sweat. The sun was shining bright. He sipped into the cold water as he walked out of the store. He decided to take the train back to his place. He walked to the nearest train station and waited on the platform. Everything was green around, the sun was shining bright. There were not many people around but those who were there, looked happy in general.

People appreciated the Sun more than anything in this cold country.

Kafka got back in his apartment and took a long shower. As Kafka walked out of his shower, his phone rang.

The call went on for more than an hour. The water from shower was dripping from Kafka’s skin as he spoke. It was not a nice conversation. Kafka did not like nice conversations and was not particularly good in turning them into good ones. By the end of the call all Kafka’s body was air dried except for is eyes and cheeks.

As Kafka hang up on the call he put his phone on the bed and turned around to face the window. it was the same beautiful world outside except, now it was all in black and white.

Kafka was neither shocked nor surprised with this view. His mind was slowly absorbing a sudden realization that going forward into his life, he would remember this day as the day his life changed.

Kafka was scared and sad because the change was not for good and he very well understood that this could be the point in his life, beyond which he would never make a happy memory ever again but at the same time he felt a strange calmness in his heart because it was done and he knew that he could possibly do nothing about it but move on and it could always get worse, a whole lot worse.

 

 

 

 

 

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Dreaming of a Dreamless Sleep


Tonight sleep eludes me.

Trains of thoughts wreck my mind.

So many feelings. Like a rainbow,

On top of another one.

I never believed in afterlives,

Or in spirits, or in things I don’t understand.

But tonight, the wish to stay alive,

Just to see you, hold you, know you,

Burns so bright inside, that, I’m sure,

Even death cannot stop my soul.

Sleep eludes me tonight,

Like every other night.

Sleep eludes me tonight,

Like you do.

Perfectly Lonely


Perfectly lonely.

Like the moon in the sky,

Surrounded by stars.

Beautiful, Silver, Serene.

Barren, lifeless, scarred.

*

Perfectly lonely.

Like a bottle of wine.

Sitting on the table.

Containing the fine red.

Occasionally pouring out.

Only to be tossed out, once emptied.

**

Perfectly lonely.

No promises to keep.

No Companion to look forward to.

No memories to hold on to.

No new memories to be made.

Life is a comfortable routine.

Routine is simple, perfect and lonely.

 

Hearts Seeking Hearts


People vanish.

Just like that.

Taken away against their will,

Gone away on their wish,

Fallen apart as we breath.

Just like that.

*

People disappear.

Just like that.

Some turn into ashes,

Some fade into memories,

Some stay as close as the stars are.

Just like that.

*

People leave.

Just like that.

Yet some leave a gift,

Some leave a part of themselves,

Some walk away with parts of you.

Just like that.

*

Feelings stay.

They always have.

Hidden deep in your heart,

Which beats restless,

To move on to the next truth.

It always has.

~Fall Right Back~


Eyes meet eyes,

Stars shine brighter.

An intoxicating fragrance.

Breeze is getting smoother.

Crispy leaves of fall.

Sweetness in the form of lips.

My mind has grown

A mind of its own,

When our eyes met.

****

Knowing your presence,

Hearing your footsteps,

Believing in your existence,

On my shoulder, now your head rests.

Our hearts beat faster.

Our breathing quickens.

Promising something new,

Blood rushes through our veins.

I’m falling right back in love,

Knowing your presence.

~A Letter To My Future Self ~


May you fall on your face.

May you lose your youth.

May your lose your charm as well.

May you never lose your spirit.

***

May you spend your nights on the street.

May you taste the bitterness of hunger.

May you get no warmth in the winter.

May you never lose your faith.

***

May you drown in your own sweat.

May you achieve nothing even when you try.

May you lose all your friends.

May you never lose your old-self.

***

The world plays with you,

The world tries to mold you into someone else.

I wish you a lonely death, but,

May you always get to be yourself.

~Riddle(s)~


Once a book that belonged to me

Was lost.

I searched in my room,

And I searched out.

It was gone, nowhere to be found.

 

***

I never saw my book again,

Until I found it after a few months,

Under my bed.

I could have sworn,

That was the first place where I looked.

***

As I flipped through the pages,

I realized someone has it read,

And was kind enough to have it left.

Just under my bed.

It was never the same book again.

***

Someone found me when I was lost too.

I did not ask to be found, but Someone did.

I belonged to that someone.

Then the someone left.

Would I ever truly belong to someone else?

~About A Dream~


Have you ever lived you dream?

Have you ever loved a woman so much that ,

You could die so she could be safe?

Or better,

You could kill to protect her?

Or better,

You could live the best you can

For her,with her?

I have.

***********

Have you ever lived your dream?

Have you ever loved someone so fiercely,

That you have deeply regretted meeting her,

So late in your life, because you missed her childhood?

Have you ever shared a bond stronger than you share with yourself?

Have you ever felt the helplessness that a man feels,

When his woman cries and he cannot make her happy?

Have you ever felt the joy that a man feels

When she lights up his world with her sunshine smile?

I have.

***********

Have you woken up and realized,

Your dreams are over,

And it was only yours.

Your heart is in pieces,

And it is only yours.

Yet you are alive.

Breathing, walking, eating.

You’ve everything you had,

but not a purpose?

I have.